In my experience, divorce clients, because they are human beings, begin the divorce process with the idea that, once they have an agreement, or the judge issues a final order, their divorce will be over. In some cases, that may be true. However, especially when children are involved, nothing could be further from the truth. Divorce, much like marriage, requires work and commitment…wait; huh?

Yes, to be successfully divorced, one must be committed to making the divorce work where the marriage failed. There are always extreme circumstances involving abuse and/or criminal activity. That’s not what I am talking about here. This discussion is limited to cases in which two otherwise normal, law-abiding citizens failed at “til death do us part.”

The fact is that, once two people marry and procreate, they are inextricably linked…forever. Throughout the course of human history, forever after, so long as their offspring procreate, the comingling of those two genetic codes will continue to affect human history. That may a bit of a reach, so let’s back off a bit.

The children continue to need the love and affection of both parents, new stepparents, new brothers, sisters, extended family, and so on and so forth. For them to be successful, we, as parents, must make peace with one another. “So, Ron, Mr. Know-It-All, how do I make peace with this person with whom I failed, so utterly to maintain a healthy spousal relationship? How to I put aside all the mean and untrue accusations in court? How do I forgive all of the wrongs in order to make it right?”

I don’t know. I do know that it took about four years and a return trip to court in order for me and my ex to finally bury the active conflict. As I was preparing to write this and attempt to answer the question, I found this article on indifference:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shari-lifland/why-you-need-to-strive-for-indifference-toward-your-ex_b_8171844.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

That article rings true for me and, if you are reading this, you may find it helpful as well. The bottom line is that, getting a final order of divorce doesn’t mean you’ve successfully divorced. It takes a few years to transition. Fight it if you wish…you’ll be just as unhappily divorced as you were unhappily married. If you are considering divorce and you want an attorney who will work to set you up for a successful divorce, please call me at (251)445-0891 or email me at ron@mcbaylaw.com. I will protect your rights while setting the stage for peace in the future.

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